Saturday, February 03, 2007
InwardConfloption
An ultimately hilarious and TEROK-to-the-extreme essay for all to share by Eugene Ng. He was punished by his Platoon Sgt for sitting on his bed whilst putting on his pair of boots. Sit back & enjoy :)
Punishment: A 500 words essay.
Title: Why did I sit on the bed?
I (xxxxxxxxG) PTE Eugene Ng Wei Han was caught by Platoon Sgt for sitting on my bed in bunk 2. I think I was too tired to think at that point of time, maybe because I was shag out by field camp. Platoon Sgt already told us before not to sit on the bed so it was my mistake to sit on the bed, so i was made to write this essay.
I think my backside was too itchy, or maybe it was too heavy at that moment so I did not think and sat on the bed. Maybe at that moment there was a fly or even a mosquito on my bed so my backside automatically sat on the bed. Actually all these are just rubbish. My bunk has just shift from level 4 to level 3, so our new bunk only has 2 chairs, so in order not to dirty my boots, I have to sit on a higher ground to prevent my boots from getting any dirts. Polishing of boots is troublesome so I merely sat on the bed awhile and so happen, Platoon Sgt walked past and caught me.
Another reason is because, Me and Alwyn washed the whole toilet from morning till afternoon, so I was feeling tired, and again I did no think and sat on the bed. The toilet is one of the reason because it transformed from a very dirty toilet to a somewhat half-half clean toilet. Furthermore, I was having piles so I need a cushion to make it feel more comfortable, so I sat on the bed. I wouldn't take my pillow and lay on the floor to sit because it will dirty my pillow, so the bed is the only thing which my backside will feel comfortable on.
OHHHH. I just remembered, at that moment, I wanted to fart. I must fart discreetly, so if I sit on the bed, noone will smell it or maybe if someone smells it, I don't have to admit its me. It is a kind of way to make everyone feel good, cause, fart is stink, so I have to sit on my bed to dispose it and cause less air pollution. And once, my mom told me that I've got an expensive butt, so it will be unworth to sit on the floor, so I sat on the bed once again. My army pants was too tight so if i sit on the floor, it will tear, somemore, I do not have any spare slacks anymore, so I have to be careful with my uniform in case anything happen, and I sat on the bed once again. Sitting on the floor is cold, and after washing the toilet, makes me want to shit, so I sat on the bed because I have no time to shit at that very moment. I was afraid that the floor have little insects and was afraid they will hurt my vital organs, so I sat on the bed for awhile.
Author: Pte Eugene Ng
Date completed: 030207
Time completed: 0200
*Please appreciate my hardwork, thank you.
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